Hey my lovely babes who still follow my blog (I know I’m talking to an empty room here, but I’m still going to give this speech even if it’s just to hear an echo back.)
I’ve been off this blog for like over a year now, I believe, but lately I’ve had a strong force calling me back to my blog. I mean I still love this baby and obviously still pay monthly for hosting to keep her alive, so I might as well get some use out of my money and get back to blogging! However, I think I want to change things around here. Before, this blog was strictly for fashion/beauty only, and I viewed it as a place where everything had to be perfect. I had to have ever page optimized, all the photos the perfect size with watermarks and I could never create one I liked, I had to find every single product and link it, and only then would a post be acceptable to post.
One of my biggest flaws is that I’m a perfectionist. I dream big, which is great, but my dreams are very overwhelming, and if I cannot perfectly execute a plan, I won’t even attempt. I am the epitome of go big or go home, which turns into many more trips back home than to somewhere desirable.
Because of this I hardly made any videos in the past year, didn’t blog at all, and kind of let all of my aspirations and inspirations bottle up until the bottle exploded tiny little shards all over, leaving sever lacerations all over me. I think that if a person lets all of their inspiration and goals bottle up inside them for too long without executing any of them, it’s unhealthy and can make a person sick, and that’s what happened to me. On the inside, I’m exploding with creativity. I have a list of over two hundred videos I want to make but the list grows exponentially faster than things get crossed off. I have so many ideas and visions and I decided that I’m not going to just sit on them anymore.
I want to use this blog for mostly fashion and beauty stuff as I had planned before, but I also want to let my blog become me. I want this blog to be a representation of my person and my personality, so yes, we’re going to integrate some lifestyle and personal posts here, but as of right now, I think I’m going to keep it fashion/beauty heavy.
I don’t know how to explain what has happened to me, but I feel so inspired now and lately. I feel like I’m a pearl whose oyster has just opened up and now I’m completely exposed to the world. I realize that there is more to life than the little dark space inside my own oyster, and it’s just waiting to be explored. I suppose now that i used an oyster as a metaphor, I cannot use the hackneyed phrase, “The world is your oyster” because in this case, the oyster is the restriction, so instead I’ll say “The world is outside your oyster”.
-I now have a manager. His name is Brian and he’s really cool. I’m actually his first beauty guru that he’ll be managing, which is pretty cool. He also manages some huge YouTubers like SkyDoesMinecraft and Sundee who are both huge minecraft YouTubers with 10M and 6M subscribers, respectively. Brian’s birthday is in 7 days from this post (July 3rd) and I know that because I talk to him sometimes like a regular human being, very similar to how friends talk, which is great. I feel like businesses and business-like relationships are getting increasingly more casual as time goes on, and I really dig that. Anyways, he pushes me to do well and is always there if I want to talk about YouTube things. He urged me to make daily videos, and now that that’s my goal I am able to make a video every other or every 3 days which is good progress.
-I figured out white balance. I knew about white balance on my camera before, and even how to change it. For some reason, I never did and I just let myself look mad washed out and blue on camera. That’s one thing I didn’t like about my videos, but I stumbled across it once while filming and that has made all the difference. I now look like the beautiful caramel goddess that I really am on camera (we can all dream, okay?) and I’m glad I don’t look like a washed out piece of blue paper anymore.
-I bought new camera lenses!!! This is one thing that excites me so much. There’s nothing that can get me going like a new lens with a very wide aperture. I’m talking 1.4 f stops. I know that’s super exciting, so I’m gunna need you to take a deep breath before reading the specifics. I really wanted a new, versatile lens that had a huge aperture, and after hours of research, I realized that the Sigma 18-35mm f1.8 Art Lens (here you can get it with a bunch of free camera equipment for the same price that they sell just the lens for!) was the one for me. It’s pretty pricey, but for the only zoom lens on the market that has a 1.8 aperture, it’s not a bad price. If anything, it costs less than I’d expect. I invested in one of those, a Canon 50mm f1.4 (linked to a discounted new lens there) (gasps and cries at the f1.4 then cries some more), and another random lens that didn’t end up being that great but was cheap on eBay so I don’t really care anyways. I got the Canon lens in the mail today and took some test shots with the aperture wide open and just reveled in how beautiful photos with shallow depth of field are. I absolutely cannot wait to film a video on that lens.
-Another thing that inspired me is the fact that I have started actually making a bit of money on YouTube. I really want to be able to take this full-time and invest my whole life into this job, so seeing the beginning of that opportunity open up has really helped me get more motivated.
-Lastly, I really, really, really want to move out of my parents’ house. It’s been a bit over a month of summer, and I am already sick of it and ready to go back to Rhode Island and go to school. I want to be back where I have freedom and can see my friends whenever and set my own sleep schedule and make decisions like a semi-adult. I’m ready to make the jump to living on my own next year (hopefully starting next summer), and i need money for that. Which goes back to my last point, about making money. I am so ready to start a life where I have freedom for myself and am able to spend every day working on creating the best content possible for you guys to consume.
I know nobody really reads my posts, but if anyone is reading this, I just want to let you know that you are also part of my inspiration. Every time I get an encouraging comment on my videos or IG, it motivates me to up y game and make more for you sweet people. Thanks so much for that <3
If you ever have any blog post or video suggestions, send them my way.
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Thanks, and I love you!